Freedman, Ethan
3/25/24
Columbia University School for Social Work, New York
Submitted in partial fulfillment as a Midterm within the requirements for Columbia's School for Social Work program and Dr. Charlotte McCullagh's Human Sexuality class.
Acknowledgements
In introducing the following work, I would like to begin by acknowledging the traditional, ancestral, and unceded territory on which we learn, work, and resource from at Columbia University School of Social Work is land of the Lenape and Wappinger indigenous peoples. Let us commit ourselves to the struggle against the forces that have dispossessed the Lenape, Wappinger, and other indigenous people of their lands.
I would also like to acknowledge Professor Charlotte McCullagh and their facilitation of SOCWT7305. With Dr. McCullagh's lecturers and recommended readings this research project took form. Moreover, all my peers in class who contributed to discussions and building ideas that related to the present topic. With these acknowledgements, I present the following work of my own.
Human Sexuality Beyond the Classroom: Madame X as a Site for Developing Discourse on BDSM and Kink through Participation
It is easier said than done to practice social work in topics of human sexuality outside of academic spaces because of the broad stigma around sexuality that has a pervasive influence on what feels acceptable to any given person. A classroom or academic institution offers a dominating language that practitioners are comfortable using compared to the discomfort of having to generate one's own discourse from directly experiencing the given subject. With Columbia University representing one of the many beating hearts of Manhattan, conveniently located within a short vicinity of this landmark are numerous sites related to human sexuality that render New York City rival to some of the most prolific places for sexual tourism like Nevada or Amsterdam. While it is not easy to find kink collectives or communities practicing creating space for sexuality to be expressed, a bar called Madame X serves as a wonderful example for how human sexuality operates in New York.
With BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) and kink becoming more mainstream and popular in society over the last 25 years, Madame X's "Drawminatrix: BDSM & Figure Drawing" experience orients around celebration of alternative sexual practices as well as challenges the dominant representations of BDSM (Weiss, 2006; Carlström & Andersson; 2019; Speciale & Khambatta; 2020). While queer non-normative spaces like Madame X help to counter norms of heteronormativity, monogamy, and monotonous sex, the experience of sketching sexual practices between modeling Dominants and Submissives reminds that human sexuality is broad (Turner, 2020; Yarber & Sayad, 2021) and pleasure can exist without sexual gratification (Basson, 2001). Moreover, the language an agent has in their toolkit is crucial for embracing discomfort in human sexuality and generating unbiased understandings of societally stigmatized practices firmly related to how staunchly a person identifies with norms, cultural factors, and societal performances of gender and sexuality (Glickman, 2000; Gill, 2022).
Introduction to Greenwich's Very Own Madame X
Madame X is a vibrant lounge located in New York City's Greenwich Village established in 1997 by three feminist women who sought to create and fund an inclusive space that became a staple for those seeking a unique nightlife experience. The site takes pride in its double level layout, each floor furnished with lush red velvet in efforts to evoke a seductive and sultry atmosphere. Madame X is also known for hosting events ranging from burlesque shows and private parties to play parties. Its community praises the staff for hospitality and the venue's commitment to providing a comfortable, welcoming space for all.
Serving Greenwich, New York, Madame X creates spaces for people to opt into that assist in destigmatizing the self expression of non-normative scripts for identity and sexuality. The location is convenient to people who live in Greenwich with a median age of 36.4 and expendable income found in the average overall income of $76,827 (Greenwich, 2025). The common industries in this area provide education, health care and social assistance, retail, hospitality, food services, arts and entertainment, and manufacturing (Greenwich, 2025). With Madame X having a price to participate, 4.79% of Greenwich would struggle to partake as they fall below the poverty line. The community is predominantly White (93%) with Black or African American identifying people representing 1.7%, and the Asian and Hispanic community at 0.55%, and 1.76% respectively (Greenwich, 2025).
"For artists wishing figure drawing classes were a little racier and exhibitionists," Madame X set out to create a space for BDSM and kink dynamics that is otherwise hard to find. In Weiss's (2006) research on mainstream representations of BDSM in the media, popular culture imagery of kink assisted in broader tolerance and comprehension of sexual minority practices. If kink culture is non-normative because it can transgress certain sexual scripts in creating pleasure, this mainstream content conflates desire with willingness as a result of politics formed by issues of authenticity, discipline, and commoditization creating different cultures of sexuality within an American context (Weiss, 2006). Those who want to engage in BDSM have a fantasy of the activities that are not always aligned with the reality of enacting. Madame X is a space where one can truly learn how to be a part of kink community without feeling the pressures from stigma or mainstream practices of kink that portray authenticity of sexuality and dominant narratives of discipline behind a golden screen of suggestiveness.
The historical relevance of queer spaces in NYC that offer non-normative communities the opportunity to counter societal norms of heteronormativity, monogamy, and traditional scripts is what puts this site on the map. Carlström and Anderson (2019) argue queer spaces bridge with BDSM, non-monogamous, and monogamous communities through creating space that assists in creating additional room for destigmatizing other alternative sexual scripts. Offering space for LGBTQ+ people to gather makes it easier to build an environment for kink communities, and Madame X is resisting or queering understandings of normative sexuality by centering LGBTQ+ identities alongside kink and BDSM. Moreover, Speciale and Khambatta (2020) sought answers on how LGBTQ+ agents engage with BDSM and kink in efforts to assist mental health professionals with understanding of non-traditional sexual practices. With BDSM being linked to trauma "it's imperative that counselors understand the unique challenges faced by members in these communities, as well as the role of alternative sexual practice in the emotional wellbeing of diverse clients" (Speciale and Khambatta, 2020). Communities that center BDSM provide LGBTQ+ people with essential spaces for self-expression that correspond with feelings of healing, collective engagement, and broad representation (Speciale and Khambatta, 2020).
Ethnography of Madame X
Upon entering Madame X's doors with the full intention of participating in the February 14th, Valentines Day "Drawminatrix: BDSM & Figure Drawing" event, my partner Anna and I were greeted by Charlotte Taillor – one of the owners of the bar and creator of the dominatrix collective called The Tailor Group. Pointing to the back of the venue, Charlotte mentioned that the event will coincide with two other events: "Introduction to Rope Play" and "Forniphilia Workshop." With our art and sketching supplies in hand, Anna and I took a seat and waited for the event to officially begin.
It was at this moment that I started to take stock of my affect. Nothing was too shocking to me after careful consideration alongside a repertoire of memories for pushing discomfort in topics of sexuality and kink, the dynamic of being in this space with a partner added a level of novelty with which I was unfamiliar. After grounding ourselves, Dahlia the dominatrix finally showed up with another two submissives models who had brought props with which to pose. We all introduced ourselves and shared pronouns signifying Dominas as "Mistress" and subs as "it/you." The submissives were ordered to strip and wait for further instructions while other sketch artists arrived and slowly set up their art spaces. For two hours, Mistress Dahlia held poses with subs for five to ten minutes while artists sketched or observed.
Aside from being able to compare sketches of the scenes, the event overall had the capacity to curate different experiences for Anna and I. While sitting and sketching a scene with a submissive being straddled from behind on the floor and a sharp knife held below his neck by Mistress Dahlia, Anna and I were deeply intrigued by the fantasy involved. The submissive for this pose was a lawyer for the Screen Actors Guild for America, and they had dressed themselves in feminized attire with lingerie–but their desire to be humiliated in tandem with performing a feminized gender in a sexual context made us both of us reflect on topics of gender performativity and how it coincides with sexuality. While we were not trying to yuck his yum through pathologizing why the submissive enjoyed these poses and sought to bring a knife, we were very curious as to what the submissive was feeling for these ten minutes.
In tandem, Anna and I found ourselves listening to the workshops held in the same space. Not only could we sketch the scenes being played out in front of us, but we could learn how the ropes were being tied with the intention of causing differing levels of pain or pleasure depending on the dom/sub dynamic. A range of rope textures can be used in combination with knots to evoke many feelings depending on the desires of the parties and agents involved. While the rope tying workshop was discussing the basics for introductory restraint play, the Forniphilia event created space for discourse on how restraining or being dominated can equate to desires of being used as furniture. As we were listening to the other workshops and fully participating the BDSM sketch event, one submissive called "Baby Sir" was tied by the legs and commanded to lay down on the coffee table in efforts of creating a human table.
Anna and I might have arrived at the valentine's day event with the assumption that we would only be sketching dom/sub scenes, but we were welcomed by the extra education opportunities in BDSM and Kink culture subtopics. Some people may feel that Valentine's day should be celebrated one way, but participating in this event in partnership asked Anna and I to communicate our emotions and boundaries towards one another before, during, and after the event. For much of our time present, both of us were focused on gathering our own experiences in efforts to communicate with our partner about what piqued our interest or made us uncomfortable. An overall desire to embrace discomfort exists for both Anna and I as we felt protected in the environment by a partnership that enabled us to be curious rather than resistant. Despite lacking artistic abilities that would entice me to attend the Drawminatrix event again, I would happily journey to Madame X as they help to familiarize agents with BDSM and Kink culture.
Expanding Understandings of Human Sexuality from Madame X
When it comes to participating in a BDSM figure drawing activity it is very easy to get sidetracked by the dynamics being witnessed firsthand; however, focusing on the role of the observer assists in broadening understanding of human sexuality significantly. From Turner (2020), the understanding that practitioners will "encounter sexuality related issues in a variety of practice settings" frameworks for The Circles of Sexuality. If "The Circle of Sexual Identity is a person's understanding of who they are sexually," from Turner (2020) comes the understanding that desires and identities of dominants and submissives range significantly as it pertains to sensuality, intimacy, sexual identity, reproduction, and sexualization. These attitudes and beliefs also formulate in the bodies and minds of the observer who is sketching the BDSM scenes. Yarber (2021) expands to remind that thinking objectively is a necessity when discussing human sexuality because it is not simply a compulsion, "but it requires value judgments' where implicit and explicit beliefs are put aside in effort to further understand. Taking on the role of the observer in this context leaves room for generalizing that excludes the voyeur from participation–when in reality this role of witnessing is crucial for every other role involved. Turner (2020) and Yarber (2021) remind that those partaking in the Drawminatrix include the dominants and submissives, but firmly depend on the inclusion of witnesses who participate by sketching.
Basson's (2001) research on alternative schemas for human sexual cycles adds that the human response cycle can "fulfill a number of different needs of which conscious sexual hunger is only one" and sexual satisfaction takes on many forms. While we know that noradrenaline assists in increasing sexual responsiveness and therefore the threat of a knife adrenalized sexual arousal in the submissive, the act of holding the pose for a long time compounds a response in the body (Basson, 2001). Basson (2001) emphasizes that sexual response cycles may not always end with orgasm and might have different markers of satisfaction. For the dominant in this scene, satisfaction might come from assisting the submissive in their fantasy. The sub might find pleasure in the scene plateauing rather than continuing to build. From kink and BDSM culture comes the idea that the human sexual response cycle functions in many different ways from one agent to the next.
In order to achieve a satisfactory experience in realms of sexuality, Glickman (2000) reminds that sex negativity, or the belief that sex is inherently bad" is deeply rooted in cultural norms and language. For the uncomfortable submissive, dominatrix, or observer at any given Drawminatrix event, language plays a pivotal role in the perpetuation of negative views of sexuality and sex-positivity reframes this discourse (Glickman, 2000). Recognizing the stigma or negative sexual values assigned to kink and BDSM by the societal forces that determine what is normal or pathologized helps highlight how language shapes and reflects cultural attitudes towards sexuality that become learned and reinforce negative beliefs.
While Glickman (2000) accounts for how language can perpetuate stigma, Gill's (2022) emphasizes a particular discourse on gender performance relevant to topics of human sexuality that portray hypermasculinity as subverted through kink performances that depend on how staunchly a person identifies with societal standards for performing gender and the cultural factors that shape identity and wellbeing. While specifically addressing hypermasculinity in cultures surrounding Black men, hypermasculinity became a survival strategy where "present-day perceptions of Black male identity maintain the notions of value being associated with physical presence, appearance, and innate skill" (Gill, 2022). While black men are used as an example, the male submissives at Madame X had different relationships to hypermasculinity that were humiliated or sensitively engaged with by the dominas. Men and black men especially (Gill, 2022) struggle with emotional suppression due to societal expectations around performing any gender alternative to the one they were assigned at birth. Kink and BDSM dynamics enable agents to engage and perform sexuality in a way that subverts normative gender performances. While one submissive was witnessed defying hyper masculine norms through decentering his presence in the event and becoming a piece of furniture for the mistress to ignore, another sub subverted masculine tropes through not having his desires satisfied by Mistress Dahlia. The most significant undoing of hyper masculinity came from the lawyer turned submissive who brought his own costume and props that were inherently aligned with more feminine performances. From the corset and tights to the platform heels, the lawyer by day is able to exist in a realm of gender that feels safe to engage with because of the domain of consent and sovereignty created from kink and BDSM dynamics.
Conclusion: Building Language and Facilitating Education from Experience
While the classroom offers a digestible and soft space for learning and unlearning topics of human sexuality, participating in real events and activities centering topics of human sexuality that necessitate embracing possible discomfort has the capacity to enrich learning further. Through the creation of spaces for kink and BDSM like Madame X, celebration of sexual practices that challenge dominant sexual scripts help expand understanding of human sexuality to counter normative practices (Weiss, 2006; Carlström & Andersson; 2019; Speciale & Khambatta; 2020). From this stems the notion that human sexuality is wide ranging and can be participated in via many routes (Turner, 2020; Yarber & Sayad, 2021). Whether you are the dominant, submissive, or observer sketching, sexual gratification looks very different depending on the body, mind, and human sexual response cycle of the agent(s) involved (Basson, 2001). In tandem with this thought is that it is easier said than done to participate in any of these roles as negative stigma perpetuates through the language society has to discuss these topics. While they take on many roles in society, social workers are capable of becoming sex educators through providing an understanding that the largest barrier to pleasurable, consensual, and sovereign experiences of human sexuality comes from whether an agent has constructive language for engagement.
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